sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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