ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Randomize
