dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
