We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
