I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
