wrigley field is MILF paradise
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
