these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
