birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
