I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
