you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
