Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Randomize
