I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
