omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
