the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
