I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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