you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
