Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
