I need help removing her.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
