I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
