This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
