hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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