She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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