Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
