Having a random hookup so left but love u
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
