How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize