how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
