I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
