I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
