shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
