Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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