Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
