Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
