You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
