Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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