it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
