I want to make a zoo with you.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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