that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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