last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
