I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
