don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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