I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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