What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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