the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
