she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
