Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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