i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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