i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
