did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
