alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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