i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize