yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
