So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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