I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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