so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
