its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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