Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize