I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
