Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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