Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
