mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
