please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
