we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
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