Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
