I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
