Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
