All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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