Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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