party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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