Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Come share oat with me in your robe
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
