Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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