pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
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