soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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