I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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