Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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