I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I want to have your abortion
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
