Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
