The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
