Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
