I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
