I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
