I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
