Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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