In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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