dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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